villa incognito

" you disrupted the predictable pattern of my life, and although uncertainties and changes can be quite uncomfortable, a life is only a paper puppet show without them."

"meet me in Cognito baby,
in Cognito we'll have nothing to hide.
let's go incognito honey,
and let the world believe that we've died."

this padded room of safety confinement has a new addition
one that won't be forgotten
can't be taken away with the trash
this intruder has forced its way
into the darkest depths of my brain and soul
nagging for my attention
what once was solitude is now loneliness
rendered incapable to survive on my own

as much as i love this new cellmate
who wraps me up tight
i hate him for the fact that my strength is weakening
that i need his presence to feel whole

i dream about the day he moves on from my cell
transfers to a room with a view
leaves me with nothing but my own shadow
and i can't bear the pain
take me away with you for the sake of safety in numbers
take my heart so i feel no more
for without you dear stranger
i will never be complete again

you

you ask me not to love you
but it's you who said it first
you tell me you can survive better on your own
but it's me you can't sleep without
you tell me i make everything difficult
but it's you who has done the damage
i don't want to need you
but i am forced
by my own aching brain
you let me into your world
gave yourself to me
let my soul fill your unfinished heart
so what do you want me to do now
leave with a desperation
give you false love so you may walk away with ease?
that would be a tragic end to us all....

ode to strangers

a friend of a friend wrote this one:

for strangers, i am thankful.
how many millions of forest trees
had i glanced at in passing
before exchanging secrets of life?
before taking their butterscotch scent to my dreams?
before hearing the fears locked inside their swaying needles
that tickle the back of my neck?
before trusting them to filter the drops
from my own inner storms-
bringing out in them the scent of rebirth
before handing them to gravity to anoint my head?

with my eyes on the trail, i did not see,
that under the surface,
our roots embrace and share their meals,
and i am one of you.

with my eyes on the trail,
i could not see
that we both reeeeeeeach our budding arms like toddlers
to wave at the same passing birds and planes.

with my eyes to the sky,
i could never see,
that together
we dig our toes into the earth from which we were born,
letting its ancient, recycling mysteries
squish in every crevice
as we abandon fear of buried broken glass.

with my eyes on the trail,
i failed to see
that together
we bend harmoniously through unexpected storms.
and though summer hail may rip holes in our leaves
where we once harvested the sun,
our roots will explore further into our collective soul
from which we came
and find gifts of sustenance
from the rocks,
the ants,
the remains of our mothers.

we can innocently flirt
as the wind pulls our branches together
if we let our eyes meet in early, care-free summers.

and side by side on hot days,
we can invite squirrels to watch soccer
from our shady shoulders,
and stretch lazily
as they tickle and scratch our dry skin.

we scatter our wisdom
in the form of seeds-
intertwined echoes from anonymous voices,
like the broken shells that create beaches
for swimming and universe pondering.
later, we'll donate the old cones
to children's art projects.

beside each other,
we wait for autumn to bring our womanhood
as we watch our childhood fall from our bodies
in blood-red leaves
raked into backyard mountains
summited by tigers and astronauts on halloween.

and though winter tries
to isolate us from one another with its snow,
wee find humor and joy
in flinging it at an innocent passer-by,
watching it reflect onto the mountains
the shock of his skin
in thousands of frozen suncatchers
as he abandons for a moment
where he came from,
where he was going,
to admire our dusty limbs above.

and when spring arrives,
we praise the subtle growth
of our friends returning home.
and we dance in celebration
as our pores re-open
to share the scent of our blossoms.

and as snow turns to rain,
we ar only able to embrace it but a second
before it is carried on
by the vagabond clouds
to quench the thirst of our distant sisters
with longer or shorter leaves,
rougher or smoother bark,
colored different shades by the same sun.
and maybe we'll enclose a secret note
with the water rising from us
asking what colors
are mirrored in the sunsets there,
and thanking them
for all they give
to those who stop to smell their bark.

the moon disguised
nightmares and vivid stares
they'll keep on whispering your address
aspirin pain kills
what will remain after the rain (2012)
we stand today
frances jane
turbulent times
frances jane
heart stains on the ground

that knotted black dress covers up whole
the gaping wounds upon my soul

reciprocation sleep but i can't get a wink

flesh on flesh
is that what it is to be free
tied to another pulsating body
connected at the seams
i've never felt it
thought i did, tried to believe i was in it
but it was all just a wishful dream
you weren't the one for me
as mush as i needed it
bedrooms filled with silent heartache
silence isn't the answer
but it was sacred to me
i'll never forget it but you have
that knotted feeling in my belly
left me broke down begging for change
that feeling is dead now
conjured up in no one
doomed to wander searching for that dream
but it won't matter
my indifference stops the nerves from firing
lying down in an icy grave
searching for a light
you walk on with no remorse
but i can't shake you off
he was the bastard that broke off the marriage of minds
laugh now you won the war
surrendered i look on and wish for what once was
you aren't ugly to me through the bullet holes
no, your beauty is locked in a box
passed along through those girls
it's not mine no, it never was
but i gave up my postage to get you along
ride on to the sun
it's where you belong
but it would be nice if you could give me back
what is mine
your heart undeserving of my soul
and make me swear to keep it to me

hydrogen peroxide

scalpel down to the bone
no it don't hurt
but i am bleeding
stitch it up with your loose heart string
alcohol antiseptic
but the scar breathes
makes a prominent reminder
every time i move my hand...

what do your write when you have everything to say. when everything is so convoluted clear in your head. when you can't fix anything as hard as you try. i've dug a hole six feet deep. buried alive but not strong enough to die. aging fast sped up truth. it's all so hard. troubling times, trying to forget. push and scream dance it through but it doesn't leave. fake smiles and false reality. it's not so hard to see. truly. look at my face. under eye bags black and blue. nightmares of abandonment. can you figure it out? figure out what. self placed exile. hitchhike to get back to where you started but no one will offer a ride. for now walk the miles without shoes and proper protection. cast a light and everything will be alright. it grows back. slow but true. purer and more real. faces pass. pass judgment. don't you see? what do i see? false sense of reality born. mirrors lie but what do you expect. living in that dream world makes for false expectations only to be crushed under proper light. where are we in this strange new world. it's difficult to tell exactly what is right and wrong. virtual ruin. rise and fall in succession. but what if what goes up doesn't come down? where do we go from there. point A has moved distorting pictures. burn the past. we were all so silly then. what once was knowledge... truth is petty...

the last one

john frusciante

You take me by the hand
A hand's all I feel right now
It's all I am
It's all that I am
You think that I'm a man
I beg to differ
For I am her as much as I'm me
You know this moment in time
Is all my life
Every day is each day thats past
Every person alive is everyone who's died
A ship out in the distance
Is here if I draw it
Multiply time by letting it go by
You paint a star
You give many years ago
New life and it appreciates it
You know this moment in time
Is all my life
Everyday is each day that's past
Every person alive is everyone who's died

regression of past impressions

there come the trees
left behind the fishbowl
slowly filtering out the sunlight
cold breezes and chilly drafts
fill my broken lungs, ice my hairless head

forget not what you did
for i will always remember
and if my perception is to be off
then what is there left to live?

sleep to dream

"we stay in grind mode because nothing comes to a sleeper but a dream."

baby beluga

beckoning, they never cease to explain
what the fuck is going on?
where is your soul?
swallowed by a wave
yah all the dead sailors have found
their watery grave
lying alive just seems so cliche
wondering when it will be my day
what the fuck is going on>?

twenty-five cents

faces breed lies.
hidden inbetween her thighs.
rags to riches
(oh she knows it well)
but she ain't got nothin to sell.
mind it to yourself.
stuff it all back on that shelf.
yah they uused to be sweet little boys.
but to her it's just white noise.
she laughs and cries and dies.
one more time before the sunrise.
alone can be lonely.

sitting along the curb
cracked paint and dirty hands
nicotine fills the air
wafting wishes and despair

proverbs 30.12

there is a generation that is pure in its own eyes, yet is not washed from its filthiness

freedom hour

the reflections come easily at 1208am
they flow clearly and uninterrupted at this hour of honesty
they know no filters or blockades
because at this time we realize for the first time
over and over again
that we are truly alone in this journey
not just devoid of anyone
but completely unobstructed in our lives
no one will be there at 1208am every night
let alone the twenty four hour cycle we repeat
over and over again
free yourself from your chains
set free your inhibitions
for it's only you in this densely populated world
at 1208am

mysterious ways

do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring forth